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In a surprise move, Microsoft Corporation announced that is has applied for a change in
status from commercial entity to a religious organization. Financial analyst at Pain-Webber
Associates applauded the move, "When their quarterly SEC 10-Qs said that a
restructuring of business functions was possible, nobody guessed this." He added, "Leave
it to Microsoft to innovate corporate structures." NASDAQ officials were in full support
of the filing - we are, and frankly have been for sometime, ready to address the needs of
the emerging publicly traded religion sector.

Other analysts were not so positive. An anonymous source at Merril Lynch complained it
wouldb e too hard to find accurate metrics to judge the success of the new church. "How
do we know how many souls are really saved?" Microsoft's reputation for counting every
product shipped instead of products actually used has been criticized by many industry
analysts.

Microsoft's filing came soon after District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson's finding that
monopoly business practices at the nations leading software vendor could only be
remedied through a breakup of Microsoft business unites. While Microsoft public
relations personnel played down the connection between the two events, Microsoft's
spiritual leader made his opposition to Judge Jackson's remedy clear. "You can no more
divide the Microsoft religion than you could divide out the Holy Spirit from the Christian
Trinity" the Reverend Gates preached to a flock of believers outside of the Redmond,
Washington Mecca. Constitutional historians indicate that religious freedom guaranteed in
the U.S. Constitution could very will hinder the Justice Department's case against
Microsoft.

Religious experts are taking a wait and see approach to the Church of Microsoft. Early
look at "beta" Dogma indicates that Bill will not actually be G-d in the Microsoft religion,
but instead be defied as an example of how rich G-d can make you.

Steve Ballmer, who will head the daily operation of the religious movement, stressed
religious compatibility. "We want to incorporate the best of all existing religions into a
single package that is more accessible and responsive to today's challenges. Our religious
concepts are developed to work hand-in-hand with thouse of other churches."
Microsoft's reputation for using slight modifications of industry standards to lock out
competition makes members of the religious community uncomfortable. "We are already
hearing that Church of Microsoft will only have partial support for the Ten
Commandments, a basic premise of the Judeo-Christian theology", complained Bishop
Tom Early of Boston.

Despite hesitation in the religious community, Microsoft is confident in its ability to apply
superior technology to enable better religion. "There is no platform anywhere that can
match the web-based transaction-processing capabilities of our Windows 2000 Advance
Server environment. In the Church of Microsoft, every prayer will receive and immediate
confirmation of receipt. We hope to have most prayers answered within a 24-hour
period. Of course like all religiouns, sometimes the answer will be "No." A Microsoft
representative read from a prepared statement.

The church of Microsoft plans to build on its existing advertising campaign to bring a while
new meaning to the phrase "Microsoft - Where do you want to go?"