christmakuh

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced
today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source
said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not availabe at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having
twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both
sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-
quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest
hit.

As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidl, currently in Hebrew,
will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead
of translating to "A great miracle happend there," the message on the dreidl will be the
more generic "Miraculous shit happens." In exchange, it is believe that Jews will be
allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering
their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three
hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies
for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when
Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might
not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent
existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen
as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said,
Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press
conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."